Cross my rivers, without any fear,
For all my bridges, stand strong and steady.
But only the brave should tread these ways,
For, if I love you, I shall never let you go.
For weeks I’ve been blogging about my life and you have all supported me through it all. Honestly, I’m grateful for all the love you have given me. And although I wish I could share my identity with you, it’s important that I remain anonymous. However, in this post, I’m sharing a small glimpse into who I am. The person behind the blog. Hopefully, my hair isn’t enough to uncover my identity.
I have been in Florida for the past few days, making my way through different theme parks with my family. The West is everything I imagined it to be. And I’m glad I wasn’t let down. Disney Magic Kingdom is truly a magical beauty. Everything right from their attention to detail to their rides and of course, their fireworks was absolutely heart melting. As I stood there, in front of the beautiful castle as the fireworks went off, all I could think of was my Greek God. We haven’t met for so long now. And long distance isn’t easy on a normal basis, it’s even harder when you’re on vacation and can’t find time to balance between family and your S.O. Nevertheless, the whole Magic Kingdom experience has secured a special place in my heart and I wait for the day I shall finally experience it again, hand in hand with my Greek God and tears of joy in my eyes.
Please do read: 3.14 & Greek God: Day 1
I met my Greek God early the next morning for breakfast. After around 2 hours of talking and eating, we headed off to a friend’s place to relax. When you’re in a long distance relationship, you get so used to telling your S.O. about every little thing in your life. So much so, that even when you are together, words seem like a better means of romance than actual physical contact. Although physical contact is an amazing experience on its own, pair it up with words from your heart and I assure you, you will stumble upon a whole new world of easy romance.
We spend our life being afraid of saying the wrong thing. Being afraid that we may lose a loved one over a few wrong words. Amidst this fear, we forget the importance of saying even the right things. Words are just as important to people as is touch. Without proper appreciation, encouragement and love, we tend to wither away. I’ve seen a lot of people shy away from letting their special someone know how much they mean to them. I never understood why they found it so hard. As I’ve said before, vulnerability is not a bad thing. Especially when it’s someone who knows your value.
My Greek God has always managed to surprise me with his limitless patience and understanding. And even on that day, he did it again. We were running out of cash for the hotel. As a student who doesn’t have a part time job, it gets pretty hard to save enough money. And my Greek God understood this. Even though I tried convincing him that I would somehow manage, he was adamant on checking out of the hotel. And finally I agreed. Because I can almost never say no to my Greek God. We scoured the internet to find a cheaper place to stay at but it was all in vain. Finally, one of my friend’s came to my rescue and offered Greek God a place to stay. It’s in moments like these, that I feel bad for making him adjust so much. Moments where we’re helpless because of lack of money, makes me realize why I need to work hard and earn. Because money isn’t everything but it isn’t nothing either. And when you’re short on money, that’s when you realize that love can’t get you everything.
Anyway, moving on from money matters, we watched 2 movies that day. And in the course of watching these movies, I realized that despite a few differences, Greek God and I are very similar in a lot of things. He is very emotional when it comes to our relationship and he has no reservations whatsoever when it comes to appreciating me and loving me for who I am. And for that matter, so am I. I don’t mind sacrificing my happiness for the sake of someone I love and care for. And I will go to the ends of the earth in order to make someone happy. I realized that somehow, 3.5 years back, my teenage self, figured out that this boy was perfect for me. That in the long run, despite the struggles we’ll have to go through to be together, it will all be worth it because He is the one.
The movies went on till late night after which I had to get back to my dorm. My Greek God dropped me off before heading to my friend’s place. We parted our ways for the day but inside, we were already preparing ourselves for the beautiful day ahead of us. With a smile on our faces, we walked away as individuals, waiting desperately to be together again.
To be continued…
Never in my life did I imagine that someone’s arms will feel like home. But these past few days, my life has been going along a road where everything I overlooked about my Greek God suddenly dawned on me and made me realize how lucky I am to have found my Greek God.
I met my Greek God after about a month. I know, a month doesn’t seem like a long time but honestly, it is a very, very long time when you’re actually experiencing it. His first day here, we spent the whole day in the hotel room, catching up on lost time and romance. There is nothing better than being able to fall asleep in the arms of the person you love. To feel their arms around you as you slowly drift into the world of dreams, trusting them to keep you safe and feeling their warmth as you slip into a deep slumber. I never imagined that I’d ever feel comfortable being so vulnerable with anyone but, my Greek God made me realize that it’s all worth it. That vulnerability isn’t something that makes you weak, but rather, makes you strong. By opening up my heart to Greek God, I was introduced to a new world where small things mattered and were cherished and love was limitless.
We spent our day together, nibbling on cheese sandwiches as we gossiped and talked about our routine lives. Our boring day to day lives suddenly captured a new light as we reconnected as though the distance never existed in the first place. As we recounted our lives, we also revelled in our memories. Memories of when we first chose to study in universities in different cities. Memories of how at the time, it didn’t seem to matter. Memories of the first time that he came to meet me. Memories of the first time we kissed! Memories, they are such a wonderful thing. They made me realize how much we have grown, individually and as one. They made me realize that despite the flaws in our relationship, despite our differences, it’s almost like we are meant to be. And they made me realize that life can be beautiful, if only you give it a chance.
We spent the whole day making more and more memories. Capturing the moments in pictures and laughs and happy tears, we embraced our weirdness as we made the world our own. And as the end of the day got closer, our hugs grew tighter and kisses longer as we both realized that time was not waiting for us. But that didn’t matter because as long as we were together, we’d make every little moment count and we did, as we ended our day, hand in hand, awaiting the next.
Knight in shining armor. Is it always that obvious?
We all ask this question to ourselves when in a relationship. Is he really the one?
Almost all our lives, we try finding happiness but eventually we end up settling for someone who doesn’t even deserve us. We are so afraid of being alone that in our journey to find true happiness that we begin to justify putting up with all kinds of crap just so that we won’t have to be alone.
Sad part is, most of the time, we aren’t even aware of what we actually deserve. We don’t realize that we deserve someone who is caring, understanding, loving, respectful, fun, honest, loyal and so on. We deserve someone who knows exactly when to be chivalrous, someone who knows when to bring out the chocolates, someone who knows what to say and when. You deserve someone who will hold your hand and stand with you even when the whole world is against you. Someone who can bring out the best in you and make you excel in what you do. Someone who appreciates and encourages your hobbies and interests but also exposes you to new things in life. Someone you can turn to for anything and always receive an understanding smile. Someone who will love you for who you are.
It may seem impossible to find this Someone. But it’s not. There is someone out there who truly deserves you. Someone who understands the tiny things like, how much you hate tomatoes, how you hate doing the dishes, how you love singing, how you love hugs, how you’re crazy about a song or a show etc and still loves you and loves your flaws.
For, we all have flaws but dealing with someone else’s flaws with grace and maturity is what truly makes a relationship work.
Please do read the initial chapters in ‘Through the miles, With love‘.
“Why can’t you go to the same college that i am going to?”
“Why are you moving so far away from me?”
I remember the moment Greek God told me that he was moving away. The moment i realized that our relationship was soon going to be an LDR. The moment that i felt my heart drop and my stomach churn at the thought of it.
Letting someone you love go miles away from you isn’t easy. Especially when everyone believes and makes you believe that an LDR won’t work out. I remember crying into my pillow for days after he told me about his decision. And trust me, I tried so hard to make him change his mind. But he was rooted in place. He had to go because that was the best for him and for us.
But who cares about what’s best when it comes to love, right? After all, Love doesn’t always have to be rational. All I wanted was to be with my Greek God. All i wanted was to have him by my side always. And when he had told me that he was moving away, all I could think of was how he probably wanted to get rid of me.
It took very long for me to realize that I was wrong. Only after about a million texts and hundreds of calls did I realize that physical proximity isn’t the only means to support someone. I realized that, despite the miles separating us, the bond Greek God and I shared, only got stronger. And it was only and only because we trusted each other and were always honest and open about everything we do.
Everybody has flaws. We do too. But a relationship is all about working on those flaws together. It doesn’t matter if you’re right next to each other or are miles apart. Getting your feelings across is the only thing that matters. I’ve seen a lot of couples have a falling out because of misunderstandings and hurt egos or emotions. But that doesn’t always have to happen. Sit with each other. Talk it out. After all, You’re in love. And despite all the negativity surrounding love, true and pure love doesn’t hurt. Or rather, shouldn’t hurt. Love is something that fixes things. All you have to do is let it. Being vulnerable with someone is the hardest thing to do. But being vulnerable with the right person can lead to miracles and a lot of happiness. Because when you’re vulnerable with someone you love and someone who truly loves you, you are able to connect on a deeper level. A level where there’s mutual respect and a deep sense of appreciation for the other. A level that words can’t really define.
True love does exist in this world. I am aware that the stories i tell may seem so full of happiness and lacking any problems. But it’s not. We too have our fair share of problems. But it’s easier to deal with those problems together than let it come in between us. So if you’ve had bad experiences with love in the past, give it some time. Never settle for someone who doesn’t deserve you. Give it some time. Some day, you will find that one person who does care and it will all be worth it. On that day, Love will truly heal you.
This is the story of the first time I hugged my Greek God…
Growing up in a conservative family, I was never allowed to hug guys because my family considered it taboo. But in 11th grade, I met my Greek God. And although I knew that even our friendship alone, would get me into trouble with my family, there was nothing I wanted more than to be with him. Our friendship grew as we spoke to each other every day, almost as if it’s a daily ritual. We studied in different classes, and I remember walking to his class every morning and talking to him in the corridor. Our friendship, creating a very special bubble, both of us oblivious to the rest of the world.
I remember feeling this deep need to hug my Greek God. Not in a romantic way, because at that time, we were really just friends. But sadly, our school was stricter than a military academy. Teachers looming over corridors trying to find couples and get them suspended for “inappropriate behaviour”. I knew for a fact that if I got caught with Greek God, my family would all but disown me. But the heart wants what the heart wants, doesn’t it? I’d made up my mind about wanting to hug Greek God. And thus began my iron-clad planning to help me on my endeavour to hug Greek God.
I took the help of one of my best friends. Asking him to stand guard at the classroom door, and finally, 3.14 and Greek God hugged! And to be honest, his arms felt like home. Like somehow, I knew that that’s where I belong. His warmth, his love, his care. They made me feel giddy with joy for, deep inside, I knew that he was the one.
In this day and age, feeling joy over just hugging somebody may seem really silly. But to us, it wasn’t. It was one of the most important things that happened in our story. He was the first guy I ever hugged. And although this story is very personal, I’m sharing this now because I feel that people these days don’t value the small, meaningful gestures. We are slowly losing ourselves in our work and lives to such an extent that we forget to cherish the small moments.
So for all you people out there, in a relationship or not, cherish the seemingly ordinary moments because in the end, it’s the ordinary moments that turn out to be truly extraordinary.
Please do read Chapter 1: Together
It’s funny how sometimes, the whole world can affect your one decision. Funny how the society you live in, can make or break your whole life. Funny how, in the end of it all, your decision, is never truly yours.
It was the 9th of September when Greek God and I first started talking. For nearly a year, we tried to be just friends. We denied having feelings for each other and consciously tried to keep our feelings locked away. Everyday, we’d meet and talk for hours. And once we got back home, we’d text for hours. Late night calls which continued till daybreak became a daily routine. But no, we were still just best friends.
Our rare friendly handshakes, slowly turned into routine high fives just so we could touch each others hands, even if it was just for a second. (Seems silly, I know. But I still remember our first high five. That story is for some other time) And then slowly, we started holding hands when no one was looking. We had to hide it! Because we didn’t want to admit our feelings to anyone. Not even ourselves. Seemingly ordinary things like handshakes, high fives and holding hands became the threads which were holding our relationship together. We lived for these moments. And these seemingly ordinary things, still, to this day, mean the world to us.
But despite all the love and attraction, we were too afraid to acknowledge it. Because we knew, that the moment we acknowledge our love, our entire lives would turn into a battlefield. And we’d have to fight to be together.
And let me tell you one thing about fighting against the world to be with the one you love. It is NOT as easy as it sounds.
I keep saying that Greek God and I are colors from two ends of the spectrum. And we are. We belong to different religions. Two religions that have a long standing history of hatred and negativity. And amidst this, are the two of us, stranded in a storm of reckless banter and pointless wars.
For some of you, all of this may seem, so pointless. So what if you’re from different religions?
Sometimes, I wish I could be that casual. But unfortunately, I can’t. Because both Greek God and I, come from a society where your religion rules what you do, who you marry and who you have kids with.
We come from a society where people casually joke about killing in the name of honor without even thinking about the weight of their reckless words.
We come from a society where lovers are beaten up and criminals are applauded.
Yes, we live in a messed up place. But despite all of this, we still choose to be together.
Because I believe that everything comes with a price and this pain is the price we have to pay to be together.
3.14 & Greek God.
The story begins…
I was 16 when I started out in 11th grade. Full of enthusiasm and joy! Well, to be honest, NO! I was anxious and not eager at all. Not one bit. It was a whole new experience for me as I had new classmates and had to make new friends.
Slowly the weeks passed by and I managed to get along. And then one day..
A photo popped up on my Facebook news feed; A guy, looking at the camera, smiling. But wait! I suddenly realized that he was in a hospital bed, prepped for surgery. I read the comments and from a mutual friend found out that the guy was ill. And that’s when I did something I’d never done before. I commented on a stranger’s picture. “Get well soon :)”.
Few days later, I got a friend request. It was the same guy. My Greek God.
We got to chatting, slowly opening up to the other, slowly letting our friendship grow.
He understood me like no other. Always making me laugh, making me smile and be happy. And eventually, we grew closer to each other. Best friends.
But life isn’t always kind. Especially not to us for, we’re like colours from different ends of the spectrum. And we didn’t care. We just stayed together, our friendship growing stronger and stronger.
But despite that, there was one thing we both knew deep in our hearts.
That we could never be one.
To be continued…