Killing for Honour.

“I swear I won’t hesitate to kill you for the sake of the honour of our family if you do something stupid like fall in love or get into a relationship”.

My family joked about killing me for honour, while I sat there, smiling away like I found all of it funny as well. Faking a smile while I was dying inside was an easy task because I was used to doing it.

I live in a place where people don’t mind joking about things like this. I know for a fact that my family loves me dearly and would never harm me. But does that give them an excuse to tell their child that you’d kill her if she didn’t follow norms? Even if they meant it just as a joke? Can something as cruel and primitive as honour killing, ever be talked about as a joke?

It’s sad that despite being in the 21st century, some of us still experience primitive ideas like these which instill a deep fear in us. A deep fear caused by our own family. Who do you turn to, when your only support system openly talks about killing you for messing with their honour? How do you forget years and years of love and care and blissful ignorance? To what extent can you keep loving the people who hurt you with their reckless words? And for how long can you fake a smile before you crumble from within?

I was oblivious to all of this before I got into a relationship with Greek God. But when I did, I suddenly realized that my family was completely different from what I used to believe. Suddenly, my whole perspective changed. Suddenly, I no longer knew what I was supposed to feel. What I was supposed to believe.

My family means the world to me. And losing them is something I would not be able to handle. But is it really wrong to expect your family to understand? To expect your family to support you through whatever path you choose? And is it wrong to choose a path, different from the norm but not necessarily bad?

Maybe someday, I will get my answers. But until then, I’ll have to live with fear in my heart and a smile on my face.

-3.14

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